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Mayonnaise

by Pablo Il Postino

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1.
I'm happy I'm alone it's so hard to be alone. I miss your loving, but I also miss my own. And so I'm living so two-faced-èd Nothing in me agrees. So is this all that's in life for me? I say I like you, but really I like me. And why do I live so impulsively? I feel like I am losing my mind. Over and over my life repeats. And so I'm down On my knees again. And I say, You are who I'm dreaming for. So I get myself down and I call it some quits. I get myself caught up in some shit. Yeah that's the life that I choose to live now that I am free and easy. If you were the moon I would have to be the sea, because everything you do makes waves in me. I am drawn to you eternally--the one thing I know about me is that I will love you forever you'll see. And so I'm down On my knees again. And I say, You are who I'm dreaming for.
2.
So did you know that I've never loved anyone half as much as I do love you sweet baby? And if you decide you don't need my love right now in your life, my dear, you should still know, I'll be there if you need me Cause I'm caught in this romance disease You're the doctor I want to see under the covers, my dear. So take time til you're ready Wait til you feel cool And take time til you're ready Oh I've been such a fool! Yeah when you want me around call me up I'll come down and we'll live in glacier dreams Yeah well I'll be around call me up I'll come down and we'll live in glacier dreams
3.
Marjoram flower soup of my dreams It's been so long since I've seen you it seems And so I ask to my dog above, Will I again be your truest love? Cause when I drive past the Carquinez Strait I always look for your sweet face Up on the roof with a beer in your hand Yeah do you ever think of me? But you might have already moved on Written for me your last love song So sure I'd get sad yeah I may get blue But also if you're happy then I'm happy for you One day we might play basketball and take off our clothes The less that I see you now the more my love grows In all of my dreams I'm with you my dear But if you don't want me again Well don't think a thing, yeah I'm alright, yeah I'll be fine but you should let me know if you ever change your mind
4.
So you wake up with the sun You are all ready to get shit done No need to hurry, yeah you have all day Whoops there it goes, hours wasted away So I put my dogs up and I sigh Wasting my time never felt so right Someone come tell me I'm attractive and cool Don't let me down, let me be your fool Because everything is cool, don't worry if you see me and I'm blue and down At last I have only myself to blame Yeah everything that's bad gets better and I won't let it get me down At last the past is just another part of my foolish heart So I get in my car and I drive Swim naked and get in surfer fights Get back home and feel so deranged Check my e-mail oh I'm boring again And I look into the mirror Put my clothes into the washing machine Oh sweet lord have mercy on me! I am in love with domesticity And everything is cool, don't worry if you see me and I'm blue and down At last I have only myself to blame Yeah everything that's bad gets better and I won't let it get me down At last the past is just another part of my foolish heart
5.
I'm in Hell 01:27
So when I'm in the mood I call you, love I call you, my love Yes it's true, I do, I do And all night I have such steamy dreams of you The clock strikes twelve my heart swells and something else... Yeah that's the way it goes The clock strikes twelve I'm in hell can't you tell? Yeah that's the way it goes Yeah my love I surely miss your cold toes
6.
Well I don't want anybody else if I can't have you You are the sock I am the shoe So can't you hear my knocking? I'm at your door I don't want to be in a bed with anybody else unless it's you and yours So won't you come up to me? No more long distance open relationship blues! I saw your face on the local evening news Whole city's worried some other man's been hanging around Feeling worried better hurry to your house, get my feet back on the ground
7.
Wanna get myself in your goodest graces I pick flowers for you but there is no sign of vases So back and forth I dream of your good sweet loving and I lose myself in thoughts, burn my bread in the oven Yeah and worry for my sanity I write you a new song every day You'd think by now I'd have something new that I would to say But by the time I am one hundred years old Will our love still be a mystery? Will I still dream of you so? Will I never learn to be free? Yeah never be.... Wake up in the mornings and I'm feeling so bad But then I channel all my rage, yeah pretend it's all okay Stay up in the evenings and I'm still feeling bad Because I'm lost in thoughts of you and I don't know what to do I wake up from dreams where I'm sucking on your titties and then I bury all my pain, take a walk around the city If I made you soup everyday, if I told you all my secrets, if I never hid my feelings away, could you again love me? There's nothing here that I haven't already mentioned I'm addicted to your love but don't call an intervention and feeling bad, two in the morning I am looking at your pictures on the internet again Why do I make it so hard to live? Make it so hard... Wake up in the mornings and I'm feeling so bad But then I channel all my rage, yeah pretend it's all okay Stay up in the evenings and I'm still feeling bad Because I'm lost in thoughts of you and I don't know what to do Unrequited love is a bore And I guess I've got it pretty bad But for someone that you adore It's a pleasure, oh it's a pleasure to be sad
8.
Yes I can remember it just like it happened yesterday You, sweet girl, saying that from now you'd rather not have so much of me in your life And me incredulous but supportive and unconcerned for you and I are each other's most true loves And for the last seventy-five and a half years I have waited so long for that phone call to come where you say that despite all your great ambitions, you still have a place in your sweet heart for me (Please, please) Darling I am still waiting (Please, please) You're the reason I sit and stare so long at the moon. (Please, please) Yeah and down the street people talk and the cars are all parking (Please, please) As I pick up a letter that you once wrote to me
9.
My Love 03:35
Well I am on my own now feeling blue but not feeling sad no more And I fall asleep at the wheel sometimes Why? Cause I can't get no sleep anymore. So I guess that I might as well try and just face these facts but, don't believe in nothing no more So I guess that I'll get myself out of this house right-fucking-now because I'm dying, I'm dying, oh no! Am I? Oh my My love Oh, sweet love And so don't watch the TV you don't need that shit Get yourself up off that funky bullshit Throw your things out the door out the door out the door Cause you're just another sad boy, yeah Oh my Oh my My love sits on the edge of my dick My love sits on the edge of my dick Yeah, I wanna get myself to stop sleeping with whoever wants to drag my heart out from this quicksand Leave me alone so I can get some sleep Leave me alone so I can get some sleep
10.
What the fuck just happened on the phone with you? Oh what a mess this is (oh what a mess this is) We're so disconnected (Oh what a mess this is) I cannot try and pretend that everything is just fine Yeah, I'm a year older now (A year older now) but I feel like I'm going backwards (He might be losing his mind) So maybe I should take it easier Drink a cup of coffee and settle down I guess I'm just a little bit lonelier Yeah, I guess I'm just a little down
11.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking and I'm dreaming so dearly of you Scheming of a way that I can get across the ocean blue A barrel of laughs and a vale of tears Oh my loving arms wait so desperately to wrap around you, dear Yeah we could sit on the porch drinking a beer talking some shit sitting so near Cause I have so many things to do But my favorite thing is dreaming of you So long to all the disciplining and the sadness you bear Yeah in a few short weeks you'll be able to attend to your own cares But meanwhile, I'll think of you while I swim at the river downtown When I open my eyes underwater I'll wish you were around And if you let me be your love well, I won't tie you down You know i hate routines the last thing I want to do with you is make dinner and watch movies And if you let me tie you up Yup, I won't tie you down I don't want to you to be like me or me like you I just wanna be your most intimate friend
12.
13.
I hear you've got a boyfriend now but that you sometimes call him my name Yeah things change but something still remains So long to comfort and routine Say your prayers, don't forget to brush your teeth No more sleeping just dreaming I heard you've got a girlfriend now but that you wish that she was me Yeah isn't that the way that it ought to be? I'd like to be fat and married to you Don't need to chase the girls around yeah I'll be true Is there still time? Is there still time to make amends?
14.
So what am I gonna do with my whole life? I'm doggin' down on my knees Need something to come distract me Cause now that I've finished school nothing more to do, yeah Get my kicks when I work hard at things that don't mean much to me Yeah get my kicks when I work hard at things that don't mean much to me Cause yeah it's true I love you and that I always will But what about when you don't want me to be loving you still? Cause when I'm with you Yeah, what do I do? It's true I do play the fool for you I'll never keep it cool It's true I do play the fool for you I'll never keep it cool I was a fool to think nothing could change I was a fool to think that everything would just stay the same So who is that calling me? Is it you, my love? I'm doggin' down on my knees Need some of your sweet, sweet sympathy I'm doggin' down on my knees Need you here next to me
15.
Turns Out 02:46
Turns out I feel a little insecure about you being in another's loving arms Was sort of feeling so mature but turns out my luck's run out so I lose my fucking shit Yeah, late at night, no moonlight, I'm such a fucking kid So I lie down on the grassy ground and oh And when I call you in the eve You Dr. Phil, Montel my feeling blue away And I can hardly believe Oh my sole, I love you so, eternally You make my heart full of reverie and all my fears disappear away from me
16.
Half asleep in the afternoon sun talking to yourself Who are you supposed to rely on now that all your grandparents are gone? Sun-sun-sunshine the days are getting hot you wanna drive your car to the ocean for a dip Get that cold feeling deep inside your restless bones So am I meant to go through life caught up in all my indolence and confusion? Or am I meant to go through life caught up in all my indolence and confusion? And I know, I know it's not easy to do but imagine if you loved your friends the ways that they love you Oh yeah I know, I know it's not easy to do but imagine if you loved your friends that way I know, I know it's not easy to do but imagine if you loved your friends the ways that they love you. Oh, oh, I know, I know it's not easy to do but imagine if you loved your friends that way In what city do you forget me? What boy takes my place? I sit down in the park and I think of your most lovely face There's a boy in pajamas He's having so much fun throwing grass at the people Uh oh, his dad comes running and he's screaming and grabbing The boy gets sad, starts crying I feel so sorry, so sorry, so sorry, so sorry So am I meant to go through life caught up in all my indolence and confusion? Or am I meant to go through life caught up in all my indolence and confusion?
17.
The Mopes 01:21
Thursday, had a bad case of the mopes Woke up late, feeling like I am a joke Turn around, shut that shit down now Yeah sit in the sun, then you won't feel so low Cause it's a bad mood rising Say it's not so Well if I seem a little jittery, I can't control myself I'm falling into patterns of making myself unwell Fancy kids out on the town Stand and sneer, make sure they see you frown Cause it's a bad mood rising Say it's not so Back at home alone misanthropy enters my bones I screen all the calls and the messages on my phone And if I was ever sad Well try not to let me stay alone Cause it's a bad mood rising in my soul
18.
Caught myself daydreaming about you Then I hit a parked car oh boy, oh boy, oh boy Yeah fall asleep and dream of your good loving company Sail along, say so long, the ocean and the breeze My love I feel halfways and lonesome My pillows confess that they miss you too My love I've got these arms that need loving Bad case of the puppy dog blues There's the train going by my open window I wanna ride it to you
19.
Birds & Bees 01:57
As the day grows dark and the dogs outside bark and the birds and bees all whisper your name I lie myself down in an old familiar town where everything always stays the same It's getting colder now I need your loving arms to wrap me up and keep me warm
20.
Cry Cry Cry 03:29
I lie in bed all morning Oh I feel like I wanna die Cause again it looks like I took advantage of someone and sold them on my lies But Adam's on the telephone He says, "come on, honey, don't be so dumb You've got to put some clothes on, dust yourself off, yep, try and move on" So Oh! God damn I must be out of my mind Thinking that you could ever want me again to be the apple of your eye And so, oh fuck Yup, looks like I messed up this time It's three o'clock in the morning I'm eating cereal, yeah, I also might be crying I don't know Well I've got no time for worries because worries take up all of my time Yeah be aware I don't much care for the troubles of a worried mind But if anything is clear now it's that I'm adrift at sea My life has all gone mystery now that I don't know who I should be And so Oh! God damn I must be out of my mind Thinking that you could ever want me again to be the apple of your eye Ah fuck Well, looks like I messed up this time It's three o'clock in the morning I'm eating cereal but I also might be (Crying) Yeah I might be crying (Crying) Cry, cry, cry, cry, I might be crying now (Cry Cry Crying) Come on, baby, just come on, cry, cry, cry to me (Cry Cry Crying) Crying, I'm crying, yeah I'm crying
21.
Bad One 04:21
Misunderstood again what it was you wanted from me Oh what a mess this is Waiting for your text message Trying to keep myself cool and not assume anything And if I could just let it all go nevermore put these bad thoughts on you Wouldn't that be better than pain and sorrow? No more bad assumption blues When I get home I take off my jacket and shoes Look in the mirror at this person who lays such wicked judgment on every little thing yet somehow think I'm deserving of your love So am I making myself clear? I'm a bad one now Feel like I've changed so much in the last year but I'm still a bad one, yeah Oh, well, would you look at this here? Another sad, sad song. Why? Cause it's a break up album And if it wasn't a breakup album maybe I could sing a different song about: dogs, lizards, ice cream, soccer, anything, literally anything but another sad breakup song And so I'll sit and cry But instead I'll just sit and cry Cause I have so many sad songs Yeah I've got the blues can't be satisfied no more
22.
Saudade 01:26
Want to be in your in your soft sheets Looking at the window moon Saudade... Misunderstandings will come and go but our loves grows My love My love Saudade...
23.
Too Soon 03:16
Darling, why the fuck did I think that I might be okay not spending my time with you each and every day? You know you're the first thing I think of when I wake up at home I am badly adjusting to this life alone (And caught up in thought I am on the back porch Wishing that I was sitting right next to you of course And caught up in thought beneath the bright moon I dial your number but know/no it's too soon) (So long to my sweet love I am sadly without you now And oh well, can I get my heart together for my own good?) So long, dear darling, my sweetest love, Yeah, that's right I'm sad about you now I am heartbroken and alone Wave bye bye to the love of your life You don't know if she'll ever come on back to you But I'm gonna wait for you I'll be here waiting for as long as I can Cause you're the girl of my dreams and you always, always will be
24.
It was love at first sight The first time I saw you walking in the pale moonlight Yes, I was so moved I almost cried! When we're apart too long a little piece of me always dies I woke up this morning and I felt a little low Yeah I was wishing and hoping and bending down low Too much, too much time that we've been apart Why do these last, long distance days have to be so hard? I'm thinking of hitting the road Braving ice and sleet and snow Driving all night just to wake up next to you Just so I can wake up next to you

about

MAYONNAISE

aka
I’m Happy I’m Alone It’s so Hard to be Alone
Talking Stick Resort Arena
The Life of Pablo
Soup Everyday
Oh Sylvia...
The Wickedly Talented Adele Dazeem
23 Songs of Love & Pain (and 1 About Cookies)

credits

released July 31, 2018

All songs written, performed, recorded, and produced by Pablo il Postino including the song subtitled "B. Mar Ripoff" which was stolen by Bob Marley, himself, for The Wailers' song "How Many Times".

Mastered by a computer.

Rob Gibboni plays saxophone on "Halfways & Lonesome".

Some lyrics snagged from others, but I'm no tellin you which.

MC came up with the title while we were driving up to Soda Springs--but to be real, I'd kiiiinda already thought of it.

Album Art photography by Matthew Miller & Cindy Chi. Matt is in the picture.


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Special thanks to my pops, momski, sister, Aweeda, Vance, Aaron, Murs, and all the people who shared tenderness and love with me these past couple years. And to having surgery and being in a cast for eight weeks so that I was finally forced to finish this thing.

Carvaggio on Toast Records 2018
COT 001

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Pablo Il Postino California

Just me y'all

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